A letter for Mrs. Moseby

Dear Mrs. Moseby,

My name is Rosslyn, you can call me Rossie. Im 20 years old. I know you had three sons, Kevin, Zach, and Casey. I've been knowing Zach since 6th grade, we met in a private English course. Sorry for not noticed him until we finally raised the same question. Later on, we went in the same middle school and high school, yet never in the same classes. Sorry for underestimated him Mrs. Moseby, i thought he would be like any other guys at school that would make jokes out of girls. Days passed, we secretly fell in love. It was the best feelings i've ever had Mrs Moseby, since my dad gone and i've been struggling alone with my mom, he's the best gift as God given to me. Thank you for shared him with me. He accompanied me through hard times, and motivated me to get whatever things i dreamed on. Sometimes, he told me about you Mrs. Moseby, how he loves you so much, and how you yelled at him. He also loves Kevin and Casey. There was bunch of stories he told me, mostly about his childhood. He used to tell me a story when he became a gym guide at pre-school. He told me twice. He was funny Mrs Moseby, i wish i could knew him since i was four.

One time, i had an accident at home and i wasn't really good at school, Zach accompanied me after school and told me everything's going to be fine. I knew, it wouldn't change my life but somehow, he gave me hope. Thank you Mrs. Moseby, he was a good care-taker. Since then, i knew he could be someone i can lean on. On the other hand, i knew Zach was sick Mrs. Moseby. I was very sad knowing he wasn't alright. He had it since the middle school until mid-high school year. He told me that you were extremely worried about him. He told me that you tried every single way to cure him. You are a strong woman, Mrs. Moseby. Zach must be grateful to have a mother like you. When i knew the illness Zach suffered, it broke me too Mrs. Moseby. I was afraid too Mrs. Moseby. Sorry for not helping you at that time. I wasn't afraid at all around him, he didn't lose hope, so was i. I did my best to cheer him up, i guessed it didn't works out Mrs. Moseby, sorry. He was always sad, and that made me cry sometimes. I wish you could knew the pain i endured was same as you were.

Years passed, Zach was getting better. I was happy for him and for you. He used to complained about how bitter the medicines were and how he always wanted to throw them up (puke). He told me that you organized the medicines into some little package ready-to-drink. I loved when he told me about himself, his family and how you all interact each other. Sometimes, i was jealous because my family is not as complete as you had, Mrs. Moseby. I was deeply in love with him as he became such a guard to me in the absence of my dad. I'm sorry, Mrs. Moseby. Sorry for made him shoulder the burden he should not carry. Sorry for lean on him too much Mrs. Moseby, i should've known it wasn't his job to take care of me. Thank you for letting him became such a brother to me and for considering me as part of your family, Though i knew i didn't deserve it. I mean, i come from a broken-home family, and i would understand deeply it might be 'disastrous' for your family. I knew you loved him and will do anything to make him happy, i knew he loved and obeyed you so much.

He always told me that the only thing he wanted to be is become an army. He knew it since he was in middle school. He said he believed it since he typed his job as an army in facebook profile. I always supported all the things that made him happy, same as you Mrs. Moseby. Yet, mid-high school years were tough Mrs. Moseby. He wanted to be 'free'. I didn't know what it means until i knew it means 'free' from me. I was understand Mrs. Moseby, he was tired and bored. At first, it was really hard but i couldn't do anything. We became distant for a while. Later on, i knew he was texting my bestfriend and ask her about his feelings. It was really hurt Mrs. Moseby, but deep down i knew, i had no right to deny it. Until he said he needed me, and i crawled back to him. It was the beginning of this story Mrs. Moseby. The last year of high school, i helped him to registered himself as an army. We organized some stuffs, we cut the rain just to completed his application. I was really happy to be a part of his future, i was so proud of his motivation. He said he was happy to done it with me, i felt honored Mrs. Moseby. You don't know how happy i was at that time.

But things getting messier Mrs. Moseby. As he waited the news, he was getting unexpected. I understand, maybe he was anxiety about the application since being an army is one and only profession he always wanted. I was pretty ruined too, i don't like myself at that time. I was a mess. Again, we keep a distant. I didn't blame him Mrs. Moseby, it was my fault. Im sorry Mrs. Moseby. I heard he had some crush on other girls, prettier ones. It was hurt Mrs. Moseby, it always hurt. It was never getting any easier. I don't know how to describe the feelings but it felt like i was suffocated. He didn't know i guess. He never know. Yet we crawled back again, i didn't remember how. Things getting more complicated as he was accepted in the army and i was going to college. We met only a few times, i was totally okay with that. Here Mrs. Moseby, i understand sometimes distance means something, possibly could change someone.

Without my acknowledgement, he cheated on other girls out there Mrs. Moseby. I knew it was just a litte thing to complain or why was i being so overrated. I reflected on myself Mrs. Moseby, why was i not the only one he wanted while he was the only one i keep. Maybe it was my body, maybe it was the way i talk, maybe it was the way i dressed up, maybe it was the way i expressed my feelings, so much things going on in my head Mrs. Moseby. He became a stranger. He said sorry, he would never change. He said it was nothing to worry about because i was his only 'home'. I wish he knew it destroyed the way i saw myself. It made my insecurities grow bigger than i ever thought. I hate what i look like, i hate looking at the mirror, i hate myself, i hate the way everything i am, i wanna ripped out my skin, i wanna break my bones, i wanna pull my hair out, i wanna cut these face off. I hate everything about myself. I felt like i was unwanted, i felt like i was left behind, i felt like i was drowning in his ideas of me being unworthy.

We broke up, fell apart, Mrs. Moseby. Then he said he only pity of me, there was never love. It hurts me a lot Mrs. Moseby. Then, what was all of this? It felt like i was in a very long dream and now i wake up. I saw and experienced things i should've did a long time ago. He said sorry for thousand times Mrs. Moseby. He said sorry for everything. What are 'everything' Mrs. Moseby? I didn't understand. He said he didn't want to hurt me anymore, i didn't understand Mrs. Moseby. He used to call me his home, his motivation, and all of those sweet words, i wish i never received those pretty lies. All of things we done at school suddenly became a shadow. I didn't know whether it was real or it was just in my head. It was all like an old song i tried to remember yet never found the lyrics. The reality was certainly shocking Mrs. Moseby. Why me, why now, why did it happened, i never knew Mrs. Moseby. The last thing i knew, he just said sorry. I never knew why Mrs. Moseby. He always answered it with a cliche and naive, felt like i was never deserve an honesty and explanation. He made me going through the other phase of my life Mrs. Moseby.

Later on, not so long, he got a new love. I didn't stalk Mrs. Moseby, i accidentally saw it through his profile picture. Maybe he was no longer remember i was there. Mrs. Moseby, the funniest thing is i knew this will come. After all this time, i always tried to rearrange everything. I always tried to make him comfortable and i gave everything, everything i never received to him, i felt like i already sacrifice everything. So i rearranged. i tried to change for him but he stayed the same no matter what i've done Mrs. Moseby. I tried, i tried, i tried. I tried although i knew he never saw it. It was terribly wasted. I didn't know him anymore. I didn't mad he got a new love, what hurts me the most is, he made it so easy, and he was treating me like shit. He just thrown me away, just like that. No explanation, no hang up, and everything fell of thunders. Like, i was never there, like i was no one, nothing. Mrs. Moseby, it didn't end there.

It was hard when i knew he was already being with her since we were close. I heard he already 'stepped on something too far' with her. Well, it wasn't my thing. He shouted me stupid for saying 'what he is'. He said he wanted us to be friend. I was stupid for saying i don't wanna be his friend because i still love him, that was a fucking stupidity. In fact, it wasn't because of love, because i don't want to normalize intolerable things, because he wasn't the man i knew before, because being with him was really toxic. More things he has done but i dont want to hurt you. I was passing a very hard phase in my life when i was hospitalized and attended several sessions. He never knew Mrs. Moseby. He never knew anything. He was probably making love when i was infused, he was probably spending some cash when my hair started to fall. He never knew Mrs. Moseby. It was funny when he didn't know everything happened to me and then he said sorry. A few times i lost hopes and he wan't even there. Would sorry give any reparation? was he even feeling guilty?

Here i knew, what kind of people he is Mrs. Moseby. I never want to negotiate, i never want to bring back the condition, never beg anything to him Mrs. Moseby. A part of me saying, it was enough. Besides, i knew my position and i didn't want to be a side-chick or anything like that. Mrs. Moseby, your son probably telling you a story that carefully handcrafted by himself about me. I didn't say i am a good woman, i just want to show you the other side of your coin. So much things i never knew the answer Mrs. Moseby. Some friends asking me what happened to us and all i could said was i dont know, i never know. It just happened. Later on i heard stories about him telling everyone that it was because of me being 'envious' and degrading his 'freedom'. The stories keep going. Some people might believed it, labelled it on me, and he spread the hate on me to everyone. As if it wasn't enough of him treating me like shit, he poured a little bit lemons on my wound Mrs. Moseby. He didn't know it was an open season for me.

I wasn't mad at all when he's now being a womenizer because of he's an army, or the way he was being romantic with his new love which he never did to me, or the way he erased me suddenly out of his life. I wasn't mad Mrs. Moseby, what made me sad was so much questions he didn't answer. There was so much questions left unsaid. It was always full of sorry, which i never understand which sorry he meant to. His plot always filled with him 'sacrifice' things to release me from his demons. He said he want us to be alright. Mrs. Moseby, i didn't understand. What did he knew about sacrifice while after all this time it was me who kept all those pieces together Mrs. Moseby? I never get the answer until now Mrs. Moseby. I knew he was guilty, which things made him guilty Mrs. Moseby? Which one? all of them? what are 'all' he always talking about when i never knew what he was doing behind my back? Mrs. Moseby, after all this time, i never ask anything to your son. I never beg him to sent me flowers, or going to a romantic candle light dinner, or sing me a song, or bought me some stuffs. I always traced back through times to seek the answers, yet i got none Mrs. Moseby.

Enough with him, and then you came along. You came to my home once a month to fulfill your duty. Most of the times, i wasn't at home, so you were pretty well facing with my mom. Sorry for not being there, Mrs. Moseby, i worked at the city. You always told my mom about how was Zach's life going and sometimes about your family, which most of the times my mom give a passive response. Sorry for that Mrs. Moseby, my mom was hardly tell her stories to anyone but she is a very good listener. I was honored you trusted my mom and i for that. One day it changed become such a cold war. My mom was intentionally addressed Zach, asking why would he did such things to me and asking him to stay away. It happened after his love texted me asking about him and it was accidentally opened by mom. My mom was enough, she was really desperate. You came along the next month in an inscriptive manner told my mom maybe it would be better if you stop coming here. I was respect that, but Mrs. Moseby did you remember that my mom never voluntary signed up for this? I meant, we've done this in the respect of Zach. My mom refused it because of financial matters, sorry Mrs. Moseby my family isn't like yours. I was hopefully you could understand that since this a professional matters. The next month you were still coming, but you liked to keep it real quick. You turned to be really cold with my mom. Sometimes, you missed one or two months. Maybe you felt enough too. I never understand this Mrs. Moseby. Enough with him, and then you tested me.

Mrs. Moseby, i adore the way you show your love to your sons. Therefore Mrs. Moseby, i believe if you were my mom, you would do the same. This is all because you only trust one-sided coin Mrs. Moseby. Here i am, showing you another one. If you were me Mrs. Moseby, what would you do? If you were my mom Mrs. Moseby what would you do to him? The tables never turned to you Mrs. Moseby, that's why it was bluntly dark for you. Go on Mrs. Moseby. Throw all your shades to me and my mom for the sake of your mighty son. Go on Mrs. Moseby. Degrade me and my mom for the sake of your mighty holy family. Go on Mrs. Moseby, flatter your status and pedestal to me and my mom for the sake of your own surreal glory.

I had plenty on my plate Mrs. Moseby. I couldn't swallow anything anymore. Zach gave me a bunch of rocks for me to swallow and it was still stuck in my throat. And now you're giving me a bunch of broken glass to swallow. While you and your son goes with the glimmering ideas of yourselves and thanking God for His mercy to your family, don't you aware how some people using living souls as a ladder path to Heaven? Do you Mrs. Moseby one of them? Do you Mrs. Moseby aware of that? If you don't Mrs Moseby, i have three final questions for you and Zach. If the way people catch Heaven by killing other people, which heaven are they going to? If the way people become leaders by degrading the lives of others, what kind of person do they lead? If the way people become heroes by killing their opponents, who is more honorable?

Aside from the the damages Zach and you have caused, i never ask God to punish other people, it's not my job to ask Mrs. Moseby. It's beyond reapproach. I always ask Him to expand my sincerity, and accept all of the things happened. I hope you and your family blessed with compassion. Live a happy life Mrs. Moseby.




Regards,

Rossie.